Hero No More
by madzebra
Summary: A fic I wrote a while ago set after OoTP. Kind of a songfic, the song being 'Everybody's Fool' by Evanescence. please read and review. thanx


-1**Hero No More**

The room seems no longer a prison, but a refuge. As dank and depressing as ever, yet these surroundings suddenly echo your innermost soul, your pain gives no thought to your bleak living conditions. There is no point. You want to escape your head but you can't, but then, if you do, you will again be left vulnerable to the cruel nature of the world.

I am the voice within you; laying down the harsh reality of your predicament. You believed yourself invincible, you let yourself play the hero even though you maintained it was the last thing you wanted to do. I told you all along what you were doing but you ignored me in order to make it easier to lie to yourself…

_Perfect by nature_

_Icons of self-indulgence_

_Just what we all need_

_More lies……_

Now you're curled into a foetal position on your bed because you have nothing else to do and nowhere else to be. Just like you spent all those hours of your childhood in your cupboard, locked away from daylight, hidden from the world, with only me for company. You embraced me then as I was all you had, and I always told you the truth. How you could only rely on yourself, how the world would screw you over whenever it had the chance. I taught you to be on your guard and told you that if you let others in, eventually, they would get hurt.

But you forgot me when new people came along; new wonders for your eyes to drink in greedily. You were guilty that you neglected me and you could always feel me lurking slightly. Why are you suppressing me now?

_Never was and never will be_

_Have you no shame don't you see me?_

_You know you've got everybody fooled_

You pulled the wool over their eyes and they loved you for it. World famous before you could walk and talk, and your nearest and dearest would say that it didn't get to your head when you were first confronted with your fame; that you kept your feet planted firmly on the ground…well, they don't know you like I do. You may screw up your eyes and swallow down your grief but you can hear me now and I'm telling you what you need to hear. I'm letting you see yourself without the shadows of self-delusion. Don't you see? In this state you can truly hate yourself, I'm just giving you justification for that hatred.

They worshipped you, and you gave them every incentive to do so: you played the detective, you saved the day, but your friends came so close every year to paying the price for your egotism.

_Look here he comes down_

_Bow down and stare in wonder_

_Oh how we love you_

_No flaws when you're pretending_

For the longest of time I didn't hold anything against you. During our time together I long held the belief, the hope, that you would one day escape and meet others. When it happened I was not bothered that I was shunted, as I knew I would inevitably be, and happily watched you live your roller coaster journey into the unknown. When I saw what you were becoming inside, how you were deceiving yourself and everyone with false acts of heroism; it was then that I became angry and bitter, because you gave up my truth for your lies.

You sit up in your bed now and try desperately to defend yourself, deny my 'accusations', as you call them. They are only accusations as long as they are unacknowledged. I don't think you understand how you've done wrong, yet. Night has fallen and it is dark now but it does not scare you because it suits your mental state. And, of course, the shadows are ever present. But you can't truly hide me, so you changed what I am, what I represent. I am, and always will be, the truth of who you are; I'm not a battle scar.

_But now I know he_

_Never was and never will be_

_You don't know how you've betrayed me_

_You know you've got everybody fooled_

If they could see the scared little boy now; their saviour, their soldier, _their weapon…_ You're beginning to know what you are, why you were born, and still they know nothing. But soon you will be unable to maintain the charade for everyone else. Once you have truly let me guide you, though, it will not matter. Because soon you will learn to rely on and trust only me again. You need to break through your grief, your loss; if you suppress these emotions you will be strong and you might be able to find yourself without the mask of deception.

_Without the mask_

_Where will you hide_

_Can't find yourself_

_Lost in your lie_

Don't think I don't understand your pain. In your sincerest moments of vulnerability and agony I have screamed along with you; felt the torture. But those few instants of transparency do not make up for the constant blackening of your soul and I find it hard to love you now. How can I bring myself to help you survive?

You move to the floor and you're kneeling in your confusion and desperation. What's that? You need me? Are you finally acknowledging me?

_I know the truth now_

_I know who you are_

_And I don't love you anymore_

I have to be cruel to be kind; how are you finding my kind mercy? This is more like it. You are crying, you are wailing your anger and frustration and your wild emotions can only relay from the walls of your cave. The others may hear you but you know they will not come or care, because they cannot be relied upon. This is who you are. This is your negativity, your hatred and your weakness crashing to the forefront. You are no hero. Heroes are people who are too afraid to be cowardly. You are weeping away the aftermath of your rage, trembling and holding yourself, and I've never seen anything more pathetic and cowardly. They've made you a fool.

_Never was and never will be_

_You're not real and you don't see me_

_And somehow now your everybody's fool _

Now stand up. Your reflection in the mirror stares back at you and it's time to pull yourself together, it's time you listened to me again. I'm suddenly more clear to you than ever before: white, jagged and ugly but consistent. Heroes have personality and passion. To survive, these are the things you cannot possess; you cannot love, or people will die. It's time to stop playing the hero, Harry, and start becoming the weapon you were born to be.


End file.
